so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
