I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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