3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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