I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
