I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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