So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
