We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
