There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
