I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
