i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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