And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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