The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
