Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
