Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
