I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
