Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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