He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
