Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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