So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
