You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize