I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
