i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
