You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
