I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
