i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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