i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
