im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
