whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
