he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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