its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
