Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
