shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
