There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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