I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
