I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
