We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
