Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
