So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
