I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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