I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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