Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
