When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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