the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
