I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
