She is in my trunk
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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