I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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