Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
