Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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