Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Did I show you my penis last night?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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