But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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