You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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