i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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