Michael Bay diarrhea
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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