It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize