Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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