just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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