dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
