I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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