Your mouth is God's brothel.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
