If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
