Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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