I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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