You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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