I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
