OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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