the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
