I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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