I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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